So I had an interesting conversation last night with my husband about how I use my time. I always feel like I have none of it, but don’t we all. He pointed out, and when I really started breaking it down I agreed, that a lot of the running I do is self-inflicted.
I am a mover. I have calendars set up on Microsoft Word from now through January and generally always have plans set weeks in advance. It is a practice I started when I was pregnant and have continued. When I started this, my whole life was planning for that big moment- the day the baby came- so it made sense to know exactly what was coming. Now I wonder if it is really necessary or are these calendars are just enabling me to see too far into the future. So much so that I over-plan mine and my family’s life. This summer I had 6 full weeks off of work and promptly filled every day with something. (I am attempting to not make a calendar for those weeks at all this year. )
I am a mover. I have calendars set up on Microsoft Word from now through January and generally always have plans set weeks in advance. It is a practice I started when I was pregnant and have continued. When I started this, my whole life was planning for that big moment- the day the baby came- so it made sense to know exactly what was coming. Now I wonder if it is really necessary or are these calendars are just enabling me to see too far into the future. So much so that I over-plan mine and my family’s life. This summer I had 6 full weeks off of work and promptly filled every day with something. (I am attempting to not make a calendar for those weeks at all this year. )
How much of my life is spent on unnecessary things? How often do I stay home an entire weekend and just hang out and read with my kid? Read a book alone for that matter? Have a great, un-rushed conversation with my husband? When someone asks me what is going on, it is impossible to make it a short answer so I generally make a joke about how “crazy” everything is. I even have more leeway because I married a neat freak who cleans the house and cooks most nights, yet I often have nearly every weeknight filled and weekends are even worse.
Here’s an example: today I woke up and made a sack lunch for my daughter and went to work. After work today I a) have a meeting to pick up something for the fall carnival at my daughter’s school, b) have to drive my daughter to softball practice, c) will leave her there while I rush to a PTA meeting that I will, in turn, have to leave early in order to d) get back to the softball practice to hand out raffle tickets for her team that are my responsibility as Team Mom. I will get home just in time to get the kiddo to bed. Then I have laundry to do, etc. It sounds like I am complaining, but the simple fact is that no one made me do any of it. The only real requirement tonight is taking Lily to softball. That’s it.
Here’s an example: today I woke up and made a sack lunch for my daughter and went to work. After work today I a) have a meeting to pick up something for the fall carnival at my daughter’s school, b) have to drive my daughter to softball practice, c) will leave her there while I rush to a PTA meeting that I will, in turn, have to leave early in order to d) get back to the softball practice to hand out raffle tickets for her team that are my responsibility as Team Mom. I will get home just in time to get the kiddo to bed. Then I have laundry to do, etc. It sounds like I am complaining, but the simple fact is that no one made me do any of it. The only real requirement tonight is taking Lily to softball. That’s it.
It makes you wonder what would happen if you just removed yourself from the extraneous activities. Would the world fall apart? There is something to be said for those supermoms that do it all. I respect them, but I don’t think I want to be one of them. I think, sometime soon, I need to quit trying to be PTA Mom, Team Mom, Super Mom and just be Lily’s mom.
1 comment:
I hear you. And you've got the right idea. I started YEARS ago simplifying my life by just dumping the unnecessary stuff (things were getting too hectic). To tell you the truth, if I hadn't, I think I might have had a stroke by now!! Just ask yourself: What part of the world is going to come to an end if I don't do this? The answer is most often, none. And something else: The Art of Doing Nothing is one most people never master (sort of a "zen" thing, maybe?) because it can be a bit difficult to master, especially if you're a pathological "mover." Try it, you'll like it, I promise! (no chanting or yoga positions or anything drastic like that, just lax-out, have a conversation, read a book, work a jig-saw puzzle, start a new hobby, do something completely unproductive like stare at the walls and just "think"). Once you get used to it, you'll get pretty good at sorting the necessary "stuff" from the unnecessary "crapola." Love you as always--Karen.
PS. Here's a clue: The unnecessary stuff is very often stuff that "other people" think you need to be doing.
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