We feel you Falcon

Bill Cosby once joked about people who praise the honesty of children. He said those are people who do not have children. To a degree, I see what he means. I think we all learned a lesson this week about the true honesty of children from Falcon Heene. If you have been on a mountain top somewhere, Falcon is "The Balloon Boy". His parents, though I use that term loosely on these two, told him to hide in the attic while they staged a media event. We were all worried about him, all oddly relieved when he wasn’t in the balloon and once he was found, just thought he was a scared kid who had screwed up and hidden. The cynic in all of use thought something in the milk wasn’t clean, but were ready to go on with things and be happy the kid was alright. Then this happened on national television.

Hey, Dad. You asked. What we saw there was a child who was put on the spot, asked a question and just told the truth. He didn’t know there was anything wrong with that. Later as the parents tried to cover it up on morning show after morning show, Falcon began vomiting, also on national television. It was the physical reaction of a freaked out little kid who was taken advantage of by the people he trusted the most. (I’m with you, Falcon. It makes me want to puke too.)
Honesty is a tricky thing. We teach our kids to always tell the truth, except when we don’t want them to. We tell them one thing, but we expect them to know when to clam up or even lie. I would like to think I would never knowingly involve my child in deceit the way the Heene’s did, but I have said something ugly about someone around Lily and then told her not to tell anyone about it.
Thank you Richard and Mayumi Heene. I think you may have taught us parents a lot by showing us how nasty it looks to encourage dishonesty in our children. Hopefully, we can remember it next time we wish our little angel would know to just say they liked the dinner grandma made instead of answering, "not really".

I couldn't say it any better so read this...

http://rubypearlslips.blogspot.com/2009/10/im-mad-to-you.html

THANK GOD!

No more ‘Jon & Kate’ after November

I could have 10 different conversations about aspects of "Jon & Kate plus 8"-a show I have watched maybe 10 times. It only took a few for me to form some major opinions about the whole thing. The husband/wife interactions (yikes) , the child-rearing techniques, the questions about the effect of being watched your whole life would have, and my biggest issue, the wisdom of using such major fertility treatments when you already have 2 beautiful kids. But I digress. I will simply say thank goodness someone turned out the lights on this thing. I hope this family can recover.

Not really mine

Saturday, after the longest of days, I tucked Lily into bed and she looked up at me and said, “Mom, I know it was frustrating and drove you crazy, but I think you did a great job and should do it again.” She was referring to the fall carnival of which I had been the chairperson of the planning committee and one of the main event runners for. (It was one of the things that inspired the blog post before this, to be frank.) It was one of those mom moments you have to take a mental picture of and the next time she screams, “TORTURING MOTHER!” at me, I can take it out and remember how proud she is and that she really does love me.

So my daughter is growing up, daily, before my eyes. She is sharp and sarcastic and opinionated. I am not raising the perfect young lady who acts appropriately at all times, but she knows when to be respectful and when to be funny and already is developing the driest of wits. (Maybe it is all those episodes of the “The Office” and “Seinfeld”.) It kind of blows my mind that she is approaching 10 years old. Double digits! In a lot of ways, a child will always be your baby, but you start finding yourself in the middle of a conversation with them and it hits you, this is an adult conversation. This is a meaningful, important thing we are discussing and it throws you off a little. Maybe they agree with you and maybe they don’t. It is much different than any you had when they still thought you knew everything. Lately, I will laugh at something Lily says or asks and she gets irritated with me because it isn’t “funny”. I explain that I am laughing in amazement at her thought process, how she already seems to be “in on the joke”.

Other times I am reminded how young and naïve she is- like when she realized the death penalty is a real thing and still in practice. She just assumed it was an old fashioned notion that, of course, would have been ended long ago. She said “They still do that!?” her eyes wide in utter disbelief. Discussing segregation, she shakes her head in disgust and says, “soooo stupid,” anytime it comes up. “Why would anyone ever think like that? I just don’t get it!” My personal favorites are her thoughts on misogyny. Watching Sense and Sensibility she was confused as to why the mother and sisters had to move out of their own house so that their half-brother could move in after the father died. I explained, as is it is to a child in the film, that houses went from father to son, not father to daughter. She rolled her eyes.

These were all things she thought of on her own. No prodding or planting of ideas from dear old mom. She is a person with her own opinions and frankly, she could care less what you think about them (which I LOVE!). I guess what I am saying is, I have had a relationship with this girl since she was born (and before, for that matter) and I am still getting to know her. I remember hearing Goldie Hawn once talking about once your child is born, they aren’t really yours anymore. Because they are a separate person now so they belong to themselves. You can guide them and try protect them, but they are their own person. I am beginning to understand what she meant.

Self-inflicted time suckage

So I had an interesting conversation last night with my husband about how I use my time. I always feel like I have none of it, but don’t we all. He pointed out, and when I really started breaking it down I agreed, that a lot of the running I do is self-inflicted.

I am a mover. I have calendars set up on Microsoft Word from now through January and generally always have plans set weeks in advance. It is a practice I started when I was pregnant and have continued. When I started this, my whole life was planning for that big moment- the day the baby came- so it made sense to know exactly what was coming. Now I wonder if it is really necessary or are these calendars are just enabling me to see too far into the future. So much so that I over-plan mine and my family’s life. This summer I had 6 full weeks off of work and promptly filled every day with something. (I am attempting to not make a calendar for those weeks at all this year. )

How much of my life is spent on unnecessary things? How often do I stay home an entire weekend and just hang out and read with my kid? Read a book alone for that matter? Have a great, un-rushed conversation with my husband? When someone asks me what is going on, it is impossible to make it a short answer so I generally make a joke about how “crazy” everything is. I even have more leeway because I married a neat freak who cleans the house and cooks most nights, yet I often have nearly every weeknight filled and weekends are even worse.

Here’s an example: today I woke up and made a sack lunch for my daughter and went to work. After work today I a) have a meeting to pick up something for the fall carnival at my daughter’s school, b) have to drive my daughter to softball practice, c) will leave her there while I rush to a PTA meeting that I will, in turn, have to leave early in order to d) get back to the softball practice to hand out raffle tickets for her team that are my responsibility as Team Mom. I will get home just in time to get the kiddo to bed. Then I have laundry to do, etc. It sounds like I am complaining, but the simple fact is that no one made me do any of it. The only real requirement tonight is taking Lily to softball. That’s it.

It makes you wonder what would happen if you just removed yourself from the extraneous activities. Would the world fall apart? There is something to be said for those supermoms that do it all. I respect them, but I don’t think I want to be one of them. I think, sometime soon, I need to quit trying to be PTA Mom, Team Mom, Super Mom and just be Lily’s mom.

A reminder to keep everything in persepective

a forward I actually read-

"Why Parents Drink

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'
With the worst premonition he opened the envelope
with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.
But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it' s not only the passion... Dad she's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children together.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.
In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better... She deserves it.
Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren..

Love,

Your son John


PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a report card. That's in my center desk drawer.

I love you...

Call me when it's safe to come home."