Crybaby

So tonight I was watching the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame concert on HBO. I highly recommend it to any major music fan. I was enjoying CSN, James Taylor, Bonnie Raitt. Smokey Robinson sounded surprisingly good and it was lovely when he and Stevie Wonder sang Tracks of My Tears. Then it cut to Paul Simon singing a song from Graceland, an album I love. I am thinking he is really starting to look old, but he still sounds great. He sang a Beatles song with Crosby and Nash and then, non-chalantly, Art Garfunkel walks onto the stage. "How cool", I think, and keep folding the clothes in front of me. Then Paul starts the beginning strains of The Sound of Silence and I am transfixed. I feel a lump in my throat and I quietly listen to the song and their harmonies and by then end I have tears streaming down my face. I am 4 years old again, standing in front of my parents stereo listening for the umpteenth time to the Simon and Garfunkel 8 track tape with my sister. We are singing The Boxer's "LY LA LY, LY LA LY LY LY LA LY..." at the top of our lungs. The clothes sat unfolded for the entire set as I cried and sang and thanked the Lord when Aretha popped in shortly after and sang "Baby, I Love You." That will pull anyone out of a funk.
Now anyone who knows me at all knows I have a weird emotional relationship with music. By the age of 7, I was obsessively listening to the radio, sometimes all by myself in the front room of our house. My first memories are songs- John Denver, Simon and Garfunkel, Merle Haggard, Loretta Lynn. Then came The Eurythmics, Lionel Ritchie and Michael Jackson and, yes,even Wham!. The love affair has gone on from there. I also have a history of losing composure at concerts. I heard Bob Dylan playing harmonica in concert- I cried. I was 6 feet away from Emmylou Harris as she sang at the first ACL fest- I cried. And there was absolutely no limit to the emotion and tears that poured out of me as I stood less than 4 feet from Prince, in all his tiny glory, as he sang Purple Rain and played that amazing guitar solo. I was a mess. A glorious mess. I love those moments because I feel like they are some of the most honest of my life. I sometimes think that when I react so strongly to something as simple as a few chords and lyrics, I am letting go of all the emotion I hold back in real life. I was never told not to cry. Never stifled as a kid, but the thing in me that wants everyone to be comfortable won't let me make them uncomfortable with my tears or my anger (which usually comes with tears too). So if they come up at an inconvenient time, I stuff them back down. I make a joke. I say my allergies are acting up. Tonight I was alone in my living room and I let it loose. Then they played "The Boxer" and "Bridge Over Troubled Waters". You can only imagine the crying/singing/caterwauling that was going on down there. But I needed it and I feel so much better for it. I get teased for it sometimes (you know who you are), but I think it is nice to know that I have a soul that can be touched that deeply. Or maybe I am just a big baby. Either way, I feel good.